How to declutter when you feel like a failure, Tips from a Professional Organizer in Cleveland, Ohio

Why Feeling Like a Failure Can Keep You Stuck With Clutter

Today we're going to talk about how to declutter when you feel like a failure.

First I'm going to talk about some things to think about if you're feeling like that and hopefully some ways to get out of that mindset. Next I'm going to give you some action steps that you can take to help your thinking and then I'm going to go over a number of simple strategies for getting started with decluttering.

I wanted to tell a story. There was a client that I was working with a couple years ago. The messaging that came out is that it was a couple, and the woman was saying that she had grown up in an environment where she had really low self-esteem and she just didn't feel she deserved to live in a nice place.

The actions were not to take care of the space or do simple things like throw away trash. In psychology, we call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, you believe something and then consciously or unconsciously people take actions that fulfill the prophecy, the belief that they have.

So I don't believe I deserve to live in a nice place. I have poor self-esteem. I feel like a failure. I'm not good enough. Then my actions are to throw trash on the ground and not clean up at all. At the end, it's reinforcing the belief. Look around. Look at this mess. I am a failure.

That's why feeling like a failure is a mindset. I want to reframe that for you. You're not a failure. If you are on this video, you are not a failure. Just by being here, just by Googling this and clicking on this video and watching it, you are taking action steps toward improvement.

It doesn't mean your house is clean yet or decluttered, but you're taking action steps. So I want you to reframe that. Not "I'm a failure," but "I'm starting to work on things. I'm beginning to get things in order. It's a process."

A Different Way to Think About Clutter and Self-Worth

If you have not heard of the book How to Keep House While Drowning, it is an excellent book written by a licensed counselor.

She spends a lot of time talking about how we want to think in our society that having a clean or dirty house is good or bad. I was at a client's house earlier this week and she said she feels like a bad person because her house is a mess.

She's not a bad person. I told her that. I said, "You're not a bad person."

Our brains and our society give us beliefs, and those beliefs strongly influence both how we feel and the actions we take.

In reality, you can be an amazing person and have a messy house. You could be helping orphan children, feeding the hungry, and have a messy house because you're doing that. You're a good person. You have a busy, full life. You have other things that are getting in the way of cleaning up your house, and it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

There are lots of different reasons that people have messy houses.

The message from the book is that it really is morally neutral. You're not a good person if you have a clean house and a bad person if you have a dirty house. It's not like that.

You Deserve a Calm, Decluttered Home

Another message that I want to communicate to you is that you deserve to live in a nice place.

I don't know you, but you're a human and you deserve nice things. I know enough about you to know that.

You deserve to live in a nice place, even if you've done some terrible things. We all mess up. We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. We all have been through some things.

You still deserve to live in a nice place.

You deserve to be safe. You deserve to live in a nice place. Everyone's definition of nice is different, but you have the power and the control to make your space decluttered.

Even if you're a kid or a young adult living with other people, usually you have a small area at least that you can control and make tidy.

Sometimes people are so concerned about recycling or worried about the landfill that they don't want to throw things away even though they know they're done with them. Someone could use it. An art teacher could use it. Someone could fix it.

Great, but if suddenly you're living in a recycling bin, it's gone too far.

If you're looking around and thinking this place is so cluttered that you feel like a failure, maybe things have gone too far. You don't deserve to live in a recycling bin.

Allow yourself to let those items go to a good enough place. The recycling facility. Maybe it is trash. Maybe you reach out to a couple art teachers and they say no thanks. Maybe you post it on a community page and no one wants it. Then let it go.

Mindset Shifts That Make Decluttering Easier

I do have a background as a therapist, and I wanted to mention that never in therapy did they teach us a technique where you're mean to people.

Never would I say, "You're such a failure. You're not doing good at this."

That does not help people change.

The thing that helps people is being caring, compassionate, non-judgmental, friendly, welcoming, and supportive. Those are the things that help people change.

So if you're hoping to change, what are you saying to yourself? What messages are you giving yourself?

Are they, "I'm no good. I can't do this. I'm such a failure"?

Or is it, "I'm having a really hard time right now. I need to look for supports. This is such a hard day, but I can get through it."

Some messages are still true but are a little more hopeful and supportive.

I'm having a hard time right now, but it wasn't always like this and it can get better.

Another technique is asking yourself, "What would your best friend say?"

Think of that supportive person in your life. Hopefully you've had someone at one point or another. Maybe even a therapist.

What would they say?

Channel that person. That's probably what we should be telling ourselves.

Another mindset shift is learning about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. Different personalities need different things to take action and make changes. Understanding what motivates you can help you determine what support you need. Maybe you need information. Maybe you need an accountability partner. Maybe you need something else entirely.

Another strategy that a lot of people like is finding your why.

Why do you want to declutter your home?

Is it so your life is easier day to day? Is it so you can stop shopping and pay off debt? Is it because you want to focus on travel? Is it because you want to downsize your home? Is it because you want to reclaim space so you can have a yoga room?

What's the overarching reason that you can keep coming back to when it gets difficult?

Simple Decluttering Tips to Get Started Today

I also want to normalize paying for help.

We get help in so many areas of life. There are dog walkers. There are pet sitters. There are babysitters. There's Instacart. There are restaurants that cook for us.

If this is an area of your life where you're feeling overwhelmed and you can afford to pay for help, get help.

You don't have to suffer.

And then I want to give some quick tips on getting started.

One idea is what another organizer calls "duh donations." If you have stuff you know you don't want and can get rid of easily, start there.

You want to go for easy wins.

Grab a trash bag. Walk around your house and just look for trash.

That's an easy win.

If you're feeling like a failure, you want some easy wins so you can say, "I got rid of a bag of trash yesterday. I did pretty good. I got rid of five things yesterday. I'm on my way."

Take baby steps and make sure the messages you're telling yourself are reinforcing those baby steps.

Try setting a timer. Do a couple minutes and stop when the timer goes off.

Plan a reward for yourself. Maybe you're going to do five minutes and then watch your favorite TV show.

Use downtime. If you're waiting for the toaster, waiting for a friend to arrive, or have a few spare minutes, pick up a couple things.

Try to make it super easy. Move toward the space that needs work. Just be in that room. There might be an area you're avoiding. Go there.

Phone a friend. Have someone come over to help you. Talk on the phone while you do it. Listen to a podcast. Watch a YouTube video.

These are all strategies that will help you.

Make it so easy that getting started feels manageable. Bring down the amount of work it takes to do a little bit.

And remember: you are not a failure. You're here. You're learning.

Even if you're not ready to take action, this is part of getting ready.

Part of getting ready might be gathering the information.

I wish for you the very best, and I hope that you can reframe your mindset a little bit.